its Sunday morning in my home town. been going since 6am. streets so quiet, sun just coming up. went to a friends grave - aren't i too young for that??? - ran into an old girlfriend - she looks good - and been sitting in Tim's for an hour and a half now...don't recognize anyone really...not really looking to though. small town Ontario doesn't have much to offer really....just get through your day. a place to retire, it seems. nice place to pass through on a bike trip, but wouldn't want to still be living here. who wold i have become if i had...it would have been something heavy to get me to stay here...don't actually think there is anything that heavy...always needed more than this town could offer. don't know why though. everyone else stayed here. why did i need to get away? don't feel i was running away from something though...more running towards. accomplishment, money, excitement, money

the question was asked about it there such a thing as luck. good one but isn't it just circumstance, opportunity, preparation and of course the biggest one of all - timing. luck implies no control, destiny, a preplanned occurrence. is one really lucky to be offered a job? they were at the right place at the right time (timing) and they were prepared (training, experience,etc). Finding 10 dollars - timing again and they were prepared (looking down). finding the love of your life...well people are as you make them, no? as you are ready to receive them. So does luck exist or is it just something that the romantics make up to justify or put meaning to, so that they can explain it in a way that makes them feel good.

sometimes i just wonder how people get through their day...things dont fire as quickly as they should with alot of people...technically that should make me a lot richer than i am, which begs the question:what am i waiting for?

sick as the proverbial dog.....

it was a long day yesterday...but it got me out of somethings i didn't want to do, so....not all bad. almost better now. and today is a new day to get back on track...to pick up the sword and carry on. sometimes though it seems like you re not sure what the best direction is to head to. there are so many ways to go that you re not sure which one will give you the best opportunities and rewards. or all they really on some level all the same even though they are different? is there over thought in starting out? yes. when you over think where to go, you don't actually get anywhere. so just go and pick up things as you see fit....all paths have challenges and lessons.

busted

well it finally happened as i guess it most always does at some point. and it wasn't even the most invasive of encounters. it probably was hardly anything if it had run its course. but she found out near the beginning. the beginning of potentially nothing damaging. now there are all sorts of sickness, pain, disorder and general chaos. what happens now?? does he leave? do they get over it? or are they roommates for the next 12 years until the kids go to college? it is such a complicated situation. there were suspicions of her messing around in his head for a while. she wouldn't admit to it even if it was true. she is in the drivers seat now. so what she did or didn't do wont get found out. at least not in the short term. does it matter that when they met she had been screwing a married man?? is it the goose and gander thing? whether you are the cheater or the cheatee, the same deceit is tagged to you. but that doesn't count here though does it. that was 12 years ago and now you are being cheated on. can you really be so okay with it in one instance and so moral in the other? don't know yet. still new. gonna be a rough ride for a bit

for whom the death bell tolls..and those left behind

maybe my view on it is too advanced, too simple, too detached, too zen....death happens. every minute, every day...when you get a pet you know it will die one day. when you meet someone, they will die one day....you will die one day. there is a difference between being afraid of death and having no fear of dying. i like the movie meet joe black - its one of the only brad pitt movies i will watch - because of the character played by Anthony Hopkins. Here is a guy that has it all - love, respect, money, success...he has worked hard to build his life right so as much as he doesn't want to go, he has his affairs in order - he lives as if he will die tomorrow. Not enough people do that. You think you have all the time in the world, there's always tomorrow, it'll never happen to me. and when it does, then what? do you leave people behind that are angry with you? is your soul not at peace? do people have questions about what you were about?
live like you were dying tomorrow - feel the warmth of the sun, talk to your best friend, tell someone you love them and mean it....don't leave questions behind

there was a warrior....

in a time that seems like so long ago....was it a ploy? a comfort? an illusion? or is today the illusion? it is as if i see glimpses at times....like a tap on the shoulder, or a nudge, or a laugh. it is the strength, the ability, the aptitude to conquer, to succeed. it is worth the time to reconnect - to sit at the edge and wait for the guidance. to learn from, to dream with, to plan and execute.