sunday morning, sitting in my garage waiting for the rain to come....supposed to be a rainy Sunday and I am looking forward to it. some light errands, a little reading and work and time to prep for the upcoming motorcycle trip - a long overdue trip with your best friend. heading to North Carolina and Tennessee to ride some good roads. the Tail of the Dragon is supposed to be a great great ride. cant wait to get the tshirt! And it will be some much needed time away for the ordinary....to hopefully make some peace with the issues of the day and sort out the stringy mess some things have become.

until then, i continue to think about what i should do..but not really finding any clear cut answer...am i not thinking enough, understanding things enough, or do i really know the answer and am not acknowledging it....ugh....ahhh to be 6 again and to have problems end with the setting of the sun.

the city is coming alive from my little table on a starbucks patio...been doing that for a while i guess for the keeners.....keeners, as i sit here with my laptop, listening to tom peters on my ipod, drinking an extra bold coffee and having been up since 5am....where am i at right now? how long have i been asking that? have i ever really answered it? i am where i am, i guess....to ask if i am where i thought id be, my answer is that i never really thought i'd be anywhere in particular, so i guess the answer is yes...and no...i wanted to see myself as a coo, or something to that extent, so in a way i am. i just didnt think it would be of my own enterprise(s). which leads me i guess to wonder if i am running a "company" or just working a bunch of projects. that answer is easy. i need to shift my focus to be running a company.....or else i will just be working on projects.

its Sunday morning in my home town. been going since 6am. streets so quiet, sun just coming up. went to a friends grave - aren't i too young for that??? - ran into an old girlfriend - she looks good - and been sitting in Tim's for an hour and a half now...don't recognize anyone really...not really looking to though. small town Ontario doesn't have much to offer really....just get through your day. a place to retire, it seems. nice place to pass through on a bike trip, but wouldn't want to still be living here. who wold i have become if i had...it would have been something heavy to get me to stay here...don't actually think there is anything that heavy...always needed more than this town could offer. don't know why though. everyone else stayed here. why did i need to get away? don't feel i was running away from something though...more running towards. accomplishment, money, excitement, money

the question was asked about it there such a thing as luck. good one but isn't it just circumstance, opportunity, preparation and of course the biggest one of all - timing. luck implies no control, destiny, a preplanned occurrence. is one really lucky to be offered a job? they were at the right place at the right time (timing) and they were prepared (training, experience,etc). Finding 10 dollars - timing again and they were prepared (looking down). finding the love of your life...well people are as you make them, no? as you are ready to receive them. So does luck exist or is it just something that the romantics make up to justify or put meaning to, so that they can explain it in a way that makes them feel good.

sometimes i just wonder how people get through their day...things dont fire as quickly as they should with alot of people...technically that should make me a lot richer than i am, which begs the question:what am i waiting for?

sick as the proverbial dog.....

it was a long day yesterday...but it got me out of somethings i didn't want to do, so....not all bad. almost better now. and today is a new day to get back on track...to pick up the sword and carry on. sometimes though it seems like you re not sure what the best direction is to head to. there are so many ways to go that you re not sure which one will give you the best opportunities and rewards. or all they really on some level all the same even though they are different? is there over thought in starting out? yes. when you over think where to go, you don't actually get anywhere. so just go and pick up things as you see fit....all paths have challenges and lessons.

busted

well it finally happened as i guess it most always does at some point. and it wasn't even the most invasive of encounters. it probably was hardly anything if it had run its course. but she found out near the beginning. the beginning of potentially nothing damaging. now there are all sorts of sickness, pain, disorder and general chaos. what happens now?? does he leave? do they get over it? or are they roommates for the next 12 years until the kids go to college? it is such a complicated situation. there were suspicions of her messing around in his head for a while. she wouldn't admit to it even if it was true. she is in the drivers seat now. so what she did or didn't do wont get found out. at least not in the short term. does it matter that when they met she had been screwing a married man?? is it the goose and gander thing? whether you are the cheater or the cheatee, the same deceit is tagged to you. but that doesn't count here though does it. that was 12 years ago and now you are being cheated on. can you really be so okay with it in one instance and so moral in the other? don't know yet. still new. gonna be a rough ride for a bit